Instead of bidding farewell to their Pope, it’s time the Faithful bid farewell to their Faith.
I understand it’s not what you planned on. But adulthood is defined by how you deal with the things you didn’t plan on.
So deal with it.
God is a hustle. Church is a scam. Benedict is guilty of crimes against humanity. Specifically, crimes against adolescent humanity.
Where are the grown-ups? On their knees? Praying? For Christ sake!
Otherwise, without action, without accountability, without the white robe being replaced with an orange jumpsuit, child-rapists are going to keep on raping, as sure as school shooters are going to keep on shooting.
It begs the question: what are we going to do about it? Pray harder, scold friends-of-friends on Facebook for posting angry links because they don’t know what else to do with their outrage, or focus on pointless distractions like giving Seth MacFarlane such a hard time that even a beloved comedian as endlessly funny as Tina Fey would rather star in Titanic II than take a shot at hosting The Oscars in front of an auditorium filled with humorless millionaires.
Cue the facial hair. Cue the sideboob. Cue Syria.
We need a new war. America needs a new enemy, preferably someone brown. Otherwise, we have to start asking ourselves hard questions. And who wants to do that?
God will save the day. Sequestration will set things right. Drones will keep us safe. Guns will keep us free. And most important of all, Critics will tell us what’s funny.
Seth MacFarlane is divine. It’s the guy with the Holy Mood Ring we should be cursing God about.