#FreePussyRiot

Madame Secretary, for the love of distorted guitars, pounding drums and punk rock, could you please remind Vladimir Putin he’s the president of Russia, not the de-facto leader of the KGB.

Madame Secretary, please give a call to Vladimir Putin. Please remind him the girls who call themselves Pussy Riot are actually girls, about the same age as Chelsea.

I know, I know, it was easier being the de-facto leader of an organized group of efficient, lawless thugs. But trust me, Vladimir, it’s more satisfying when you’re the president of a sloppy, law-abiding democracy.

Not too long ago, America had a de-facto leader. His name was Dickless.

Dickless never lost a single battle. Back in the day, when he was a fledgling congressman from Wyoming, Dickless even voted against freeing Nelson Mandela. Guess what happened? Dickless won. Wow, what a win, something to be proud of, really.

Thing is, the more Dickless won, the less anything seemed to make Dickless happy. Eventually, by the time he was the de-facto leader of America, Dickless thought every battle was about the win.

And win he did.

Winning the argument in favor of torture. Winning the argument about WMD’s. Winning the argument about leaking Valerie Plame Wilson’s identity, even though she was working for the CIA, in deep-cover. Winning the argument against Gay Marriage, even though his daughter was Gay, and when it came to the issue of Gay Equality, needed her Daddy to sack-up.

Speaking of which, it’s time for Vladimir Putin to sack-up. And pardon Pussy Riot.

Mister President, please remember you’re the president of Russia, all of Russia, and as you begin a questionable 3rd term, for the good of Russia, all of Russia, you need to re-evaluate what it means to be president.

Madame Secretary, please remind President Putin he has the power to pardon. In fact, if he pardons Pussy Riot, this kind of a gesture would go a long way in showing Russia, and the rest of the world, that dissent is the heart of a sloppy, law-abiding democracy.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it causes traffic jams. Yes, invariably it leads to drum circles and the rancid smell of dirty dread locks mixed with Patchouli Oil. Hey, democracy ain’t pretty.

The girls who call themselves Pussy Riot aren’t hooligans. They were playing dress-up hooligans. Of course, there should always be an element of danger. And yes, handcuffs as well as time in jail are the risks you face for dissent. But a 2-year sentence in a gulag is cruel and unusual.

Unfortunately, in Russia, right now, it’s cruel and incredibly usual.

But please, President Putin, I beseech you, at the start of your 3rd term, put a stop to this, with a stroke of your pen. Mister President…Free Pussy Riot.

Please. And thank you.

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