Disagree While Being Disagreeable

When it comes to Trayvon Martin, I don’t trust MSNBC because they’re liberal any more than I trust Al Sharpton because he’s black. I’m tired of being guided to an opinion. Zimmerman is in custody, which is exactly where he should be. Truth be told, it’s exactly where he should’ve been since the day he shot, and killed, Trayvon.

It’s time for the facts to be presented. I’m inclined to roll my eyes at “Stand Your Ground,” which means I have to check my pre-dispositions. Zimmerman has already been convicted by the media, which means everyone needs to step-back, besides the parents, who are allowed to do, and say, whatever the hell they want. As far as everyone else is concerned, there’s too much hoopla.

Speaking of media lynch mobs, who cares if Hilary Rosen said Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life, so she can’t relate to working moms who are trying to raise their kids in a constant battle with always being two paychecks away from totally screwed. Saying Ann Romney can’t relate to this scenario is true. Why does Hilary Rosen have to apologize? Especially when it happens to be true.

Besides, the issue, the real issue, is the Lilly Ledbetter Act, which President Obama signed on day one of his first term. Turns out, Mitt Romney had to clarify whether or not he was in favor of the Lilly Ledbetter Act. Clarify? Seriously?

I guess when you’re Mitt Romney, and you have 5-sons, you’re not inclined to worry about girls, unless you’re rooting for your 5-sons to get laid. Unlike President Obama, who has 2-daughters and is inclined to believe his 2-daughters should make equal pay for equal work, when they go out into the working world. And, when they’re old enough, they should also get laid. Why not? It’s fun.

Anyway, sex hoopla aside, the Lilly Ledbetter Act isn’t a head-scratcher. It’s a no-brainer, a given, like birth control being covered by health care providers and Mormonism being a creepy cult.

Listen, I understand raising a family is difficult. Whether you have sons or daughters, whether you’re living in an extended adolescence and in need of a creepy cult to justify your self-importance or living an adult life and brave enough to accept there’s nothing after death, but death. Raising a family is difficult. But not as difficult as the defenders of Ann Romney would have us believe.

Are you kidding? Even more difficult than raising a family is enduring a family. Especially a Jewish Family, so I’m sympathetic to Ann Romney. But I’m sympathetic to all moms, not just a spoiled mom who opted-out of adulthood by marrying a billionaire brat.

It never gets easier. Family never gets easier. In a word: Oy!

Recently, when I was out of town, my brother had a blow out with my cousin. I came home, and on day one, there I was, once again, exactly where I don’t want to be, but always seem to find myself, in the middle of a squabble. It’s dissatisfying. It’s exhausting. Worst of all, it’s not my problem but I take it on like it’s the center of my universe.

But this time, it’s different. This time, I’m reaching out to the Center For Conflict Resolution. This time, I’m hiring a mediator. Let someone else get paid for the crummy job of being in the middle of a squabble.

Let me ask you this, how do you learn to set boundaries? How do you learn to apologize in a meaningful way? So when you’re sorry, it comes across like you’re sorry, instead of looking like you’re only interested in getting off the hook as quickly as possible. Lately, these question have been weighing on my mind, a lot.

When I was on the west coast, I was lucky enough to spend time hiking with my dad. He’s the tortoise. Slow, steady and chatty on the shady parts of the mountain. As we were hiking down a bend, and the mountain created a shadow of cover from the desert sun, dad began reflecting.

“No one teaches us how to end a relationship,” he said. “No one teaches us how to put things to bed with grace.” It’s true. And I’ve been thinking a lot about what dad had to say. Hiking with an Italian who attended P.S. 122 in the Bronx is a great tool for teaching.

But I’m still lost. I’m still wandering in the desert. Here’s my quandary. I wonder, as a society, if we lack the skills necessary to fight without things derailing into personal attacks, or even worse, God Forbid, escalating into “Stand Your Ground.”

Disagreement can be productive. Don’t get me wrong. Certainly not disagreement on MSNBC, CNN or FOX.That’s not disagreement. That’s misinformation masquerading as insight.

Genuine disagreement reveals what needs to be addressed. Thing is, when you’re up against the ropes, when you feel defensive, when powerlessness creeps into your soul, unless you’ve been trained, like a lawyer or monk or emasculated husband, there’s a tendency to attack, on a personal level, and go for the win because in America, winning is the most important thing.

You’re damn straight, winning is the most important thing, even though nothing is gained and there’s no red carpet where you get to wear a pretty dress, accept a gold statuette and make a self-righteous speech thanking everyone for realizing you’re the absolute best at humiliating someone you’re supposed to love because winning is more important than taking a fucking breath before you open your fucking mouth.

At least, this is the trend I’ve noticed in my family.

And I don’t know how to solve it. I’m admitting I don’t know how to solve it. I’m admitting I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m wasting my time wrestling with inevitability. Everything in me wants to stop the trend of drawing a line in the sand, and ending a 42-year relationship. But it seems inevitable, especially if you have Katz/Morelli DNA.

:-(

Anyway, back to distractions. Let the billion-dollar campaign begin. The Mormon versus the Muslim. No, wait, that’s too fear mongery. The white guy with the good hair versus the black guy with the celebrity smile. No, wait, that’s too surfacy. The moderate masquerading as a neo-con versus the moderate masquerading as a right of center conservative. No, wait, that’s too on the nose. The guy with the rich father versus the guy with the absent father. No, wait, that’s too Freudian. The white guy looking to get the black guy out of the white house unless he’s the black guy who’s serving the white guy coffee. No, wait, that’s too racist. Actually, now that I think about it, the last thing I just said. Yeah, that.

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22 Responses to Disagree While Being Disagreeable

  1. Andy says:

    Never ending introspection. Fuck it just live life make your moves stir up the shit. Kill everything you see keep heaven stocked with fresh souls. And watch the Hawks tonight in Pheonix 9pm start.

    • Yusan says:

      The Gospel According to the Narrative will not be denied.For elxmpae, Skittles and Iced Tea. Trayvon had them, right? His reason for being out was because he was walking home from the convenience store and according to some accounts, the kid died with them in his hands.Gospel. The Truth, the Way, and the Light. ‘Cept, the only people to claim that are T-bird’s parents. So far, there has been no police report confirming this, no receipt splashed across the front page of the NY Times proving Martin had recently purchased these wares, no security camera footage of him perusing the aisles of sugary goodness.But Skittles and Iced Tea are now synonymous with this tragedy.I’m not saying he didn’t. I don’t know if the cops routinely make a detailed list of everything in the recently deceased’s pockets down to lint type and ticket stubs, so it’s possible they discard such trivialities. But for something so important to the canon of this travesty, you’d think there’d be at least a bit of proof.But, why let facts get in the way of a good race riot?

  2. Gregor says:

    Hands Down, Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten. Thanks, 8.

  3. Steven says:

    Raising kids is hard. Most jobs all that is required is to be obedient and swallow your pride.Even my job as a computer programmer which is very difficult, i would much rather be at work than at home all day taking care of kids. Yes Ann Romney does not know what it is like to raise kids and have to work. Well I do it sucks and it ruins families, and it broke my family apart. And just found out yesterday broke up a good friend of mine because his wife who has a masters does not want to work. So Ann Romney made good decisions in her life and it is not good strategy bringing her up by name.So what is obama doing about this? He wants to increase social services. But you cannot have the Warfare State and The Welfare State.There’s not much left over for the main economy. Even Federal Reserve Helicopter Ben says we are very close to total collapse if we do not get our debt under control. Once we reach 100 debt to GDP which we are very close things usually don’t go well.Just look at greece. I would have more sympathy for obama if he would have ended both wars right when he got in. Nobody even knows why we are still in afghanistan. Somebodies making money off of it. Even Ron Paul who is philosophically against welfare always says that if we end our foreign involvment we would more to take care of our own people. Also, nobody ever stops to think why do two people have to work when 30 years ago the majority of families this was not the case. So Hillary Rosen if she had courage would call Obama out for the increase in miltary spending. The whole anti-war left has been completely silent since Obama took over. So when Americans were dying when Bush was in office that’s bad,But when Americans are dying and we are killing innocent brown people with our drones made by haliburton then it is ok. Obama is a corporist masquarding as a socialist.

    You know what is a good solution. Everybody should stop having kids. Then the really rich will have nobody to do shit for them. Then Ann Romney will know what is like to do her own laundry. Until that happens she just made good decisions in her life that’s all.

  4. Steven says:

    Instead of Taking on Ann Romney Hillary Rosen should take on Obama for increasing the Miltary budget and shredding anything left of our civil rights after Bush started it. Somehow it was bad under bush but under obama it is ok for americans to die and killing innocent civilians via drones made by haliburton.

    Also the real question is why both parents need to work and still cant make ends meet. Thirty years ago this was not true.I am also sick of this nobility of women being liberated because now they could work. Most jobs suck and at least in my experience in the work place most of the woman would rather be home with there kids. And I have worked at places that are good.

    The Solution is for everybody to stop having kids so then Ann Romney will have nobody to hire to clean her house or do her laundry. Then she will know what it is like to work..Short of that she just made good decisions in her life.

  5. vince says:

    Time for everyone to stop the complaining. The world has changed. It has always changed. Nothig remains contstant. We are lucky to have lived in a relatively nice period of time (80′s and 90′s). The powers of the world are in collusion and they have a monopolistic type of control over everything. Big, huge, bigger that countries, corporations and banks decide everything. They are on both sides of every war, trade, agreement, supply, army etc. We are now all sheepole. Enjoy your meaningless life and stay in line or you will be terminated.

  6. vince says:

    All of the pretend issues we argue about are all distractions from what is really going on. Inch by inch, the giants are taking every little thing away from the masses, right under their noses. Food, water, fuel, property, work etc.

    The Bush family cartel bought 100,000 acres in Paraguy. Why? The land, and it’s mineral/water rights are on top of the larges aquafer in South America. Worth 100′s of billions. T. Boone Picket did the same thing in Texas. His 100,000 acres sits on top of one of America’s alrgest Aquafers, and he has all the rights. He is pumping and selling. Water will control the world.

    • Zildacel says:

      Tam,I have a VERY close personal coetncnion to the Pasadena Police Department, and heard of the Mcdade shooting in the immediate aftermath before it went national. As you might expect one of the things that came up was that it would be compared to the Martin shooting if it hit the national media.Once again we are seeing judgements passed by people with very limited knowledge of an event (Leatherwing, OtherWhiteMatt & Goober among them). Having done this job for 27 years, I would like to put in a couple of thoughts.For one, there is a considerable difference in responsibility between having a weapon on you in the event that it might be needed to preserve your life and carrying a weapon as someone who is paid to and expected to go where most do not want to go and do what most do not want to do. You cannot compare the two situations because the only similarity is that a young black man was shot (something that happens weekly here at the hands of other young black men, but we don’t want to talk about that).Second, unless you’ve seen the elephant, stop trying to second guess what someone else did in a deadly force encounter, be it Zimmerman or the two Pasadena officers. I’ll tell you this, all that stuff you hear about tunnel vision, auditory exclusion, tachypsychia, etc. is true times ten. Life as a cop is not “Gunsmoke” and we don’t give them first shot if we can help it. Does the fact that I’m wearing a vest mean that I should take at least one bullet before returning fire? Damn, I hope the bad guy is good enough to make a for sure ten- ring shot or he might hit me someplace not covered by kevlar.Goober, where did you get the information that their guns were already drawn? Maybe they were or maybe they weren’t but if they were, it was because they were told that the suspects were armed and only a fool approaches an armed criminal with his gun in his holster. I knew that they were looking at arresting the RP for Involuntary Manslaughter, because his story that Mcdade and his accomplice were armed had a lot to do with the mindset of the officers on their approach. Oh, and as to shooting someone “because his hands were near his belt” was not what happened there. As in the Trayvon Martin case, you should wait for the facts to come out. Those officers are undergoing hell right now (self-inflicted and otherwise) and it’s no guarantee of skating just because you have a badge.

  7. Da law YA says:

    Allow me to break it down for you. Here, the killing by George Zimmerman is conceded and admitted. To assert self-defense, he must offer some evidence beyond the mere assertion. The presumption of innocence and the government’s burden to prove guilt and, in effect, rebut the defense beyond a reasonable doubt remains throughout. So how will that be determined here? This case will come down to a question as to what each “reasonably believed.” If the proof should demonstrate that Trayvon was the first to strike Zimmerman, the question will be whether Trayvon reasonably believed that such force was necessary to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself. The fact that he was being followed (or possibly chased) by a strange large man who did not identify himself will certainly be a substantial factor.

    The same analysis will be necessary for Zimmerman’s state of mind. Assuming that Trayvon was the attacker, did he reasonably believe that shooting Trayvon was necessary to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself?

    The extent of his actual injuries will be extremely relevant. Of course, he has an advantage here as the sole survivor, and his testimony on the subject must be weighed with that in mind. He has an obvious motive to lie. Of course, if the evidence reveals that Trayvon was not the aggressor and Zimmerman shot him nonetheless, the defense cannot prevail.

    ***What I think poses the most difficult question is if both were in reasonable fear of the other. Suppose Trayvon did attack Zimmerman and was justified in doing so, because he reasonably believed that he was in danger. Then Zimmerman too, reasonably believed that he was in danger and responded by shooting Trayvon.

    In this scenario, the statute provides that the stand your ground justification “is not available to a person who initially provokes the use of force against himself unless the person has tried to escape or has indicated clearly to the other (in this case Trayvon) that he has no intention to use force.”

    So the question will be whether Zimmerman was the initial aggressor and whether he ceased to be and made his intentions clear to Trayvon. There can be little doubt that Zimmerman set these events in motion, but it is obvious that the roles of aggressor and victim can change as circumstances change. Whether they did or did not here will depend on the facts as they are developed.

    Thus, despite what has been reported regarding what led up to the confrontation, the final jusgment will depend upon what actually happened at the moment of the confrontation as reasonably seen through the eyes of the two participants. Lurking in the background is the question of racial bias. It not only goes to the question of whether it should constitute a federal crime, but whether or not Mr. Zimmerman’s racial views, if any, caused him to be suspicious, to follow Trayvon and ultimately decide to shoot him. The case is not easy, but it is now going to be tried in the justice system where it belongs — not in the media.

    • Mazou says:

      Reading the “30-year L.E. firearms inttcursor” post, I detect more than a bit of “only ones” in it. I’d be curious to know where 30-year thinks citizens’ – excuse me, “some clown’s” – responsibility ends and police responsibility starts. Are citizens allowed to ask questions of unknown passerby? Or, should we remain mute and just stand and point, hoping those whose gun-toting is taxpayer financed take the hint? I’ll agree that wisdom will, in many cases, lead one to defer to the cadre of professionally-trained post-crime report takers, but without some degree of citizen involvement how is one to know when their expertise should be requested prior to the need for a report? Under our constitutional form of government (at least, while we still have one) power and authority resides in the hands of “We the People.” “We the People” hire, and sometimes fire, agents to perform certain tasks for us because it is more efficient to have those tasks performed collectively rather than individually, and some tasks require a certain level of knowledge and specialization; just because we hire a plumber to replace a pipe does not mean that we are ignorant or incapable of the pipe replacement process, but that exigences of time, expertise and possession of certain tools makes it more productive for us to do so. In decades past a simple question or two – “Hello, can I help you find an address”? was indicative of both neighborliness and awareness rather than an attempt to incite. I suspect 30-year would prefer we engage his services at each intersection of neighbor and visitor, but that stands in contrast to how this country has worked for quite some time. One hopes that those days are not yet over.

  8. Da law YA says:

    Trayvon was necessary to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself?

    The extent of his actual injuries will be extremely relevant. Of course, he has an advantage here as the sole survivor, and his testimony on the subject must be weighed with that in mind. He has an obvious motive to lie. Of course, if the evidence reveals that Trayvon was not the aggressor and Zimmerman shot him nonetheless, the defense cannot prevail.

    ***What I think poses the most difficult question is if both were in reasonable fear of the other. Suppose Trayvon did attack Zimmerman and was justified in doing so, because he reasonably believed that he was in danger. Then Zimmerman too, reasonably believed that he was in danger and responded by shooting Trayvon.

    In this scenario, the statute provides that the stand your ground justification “is not available to a person who initially provokes the use of force against himself unless the person has tried to escape or has indicated clearly to the other (in this case Trayvon) that he has no intention to use force.”

    So the question will be whether Zimmerman was the initial aggressor and whether he ceased to be and made his intentions clear to Trayvon. There can be little doubt that Zimmerman set these events in motion, but it is obvious that the roles of aggressor and victim can change as circumstances change. Whether they did or did not here will depend on the facts as they are developed.

    Thus, despite what has been reported regarding what led up to the confrontation, the final jusgment will depend upon what actually happened at the moment of the confrontation as reasonably seen through the eyes of the two participants. Lurking in the background is the question of racial bias. It not only goes to the question of whether it should constitute a federal crime, but whether or not Mr. Zimmerman’s racial views, if any, caused him to be suspicious, to follow Trayvon and ultimately decide to shoot him. The case is not easy, but it is now going to be tried in the justice system where it belongs — not in the media.

  9. Da law YA says:

    indicated clearly to the other (in this case Trayvon) that he has no intention to use force.”

    So the question will be whether Zimmerman was the initial aggressor and whether he ceased to be and made his intentions clear to Trayvon. There can be little doubt that Zimmerman set these events in motion, but it is obvious that the roles of aggressor and victim can change as circumstances change. Whether they did or did not here will depend on the facts as they are developed.

    Thus, despite what has been reported regarding what led up to the confrontation, the final jusgment will depend upon what actually happened at the moment of the confrontation as reasonably seen through the eyes of the two participants. Lurking in the background is the question of racial bias. It not only goes to the question of whether it should constitute a federal crime, but whether or not Mr. Zimmerman’s racial views, if any, caused him to be suspicious, to follow Trayvon and ultimately decide to shoot him. The case is not easy, but it is now going to be tried in the justice system where it belongs — not in the media.

  10. Da law YA says:

    to follow Trayvon and ultimately decide to shoot him. The case is not easy, but it is now going to be tried in the justice system where it belongs — not in the media.

  11. Babs says:

    And this is why you are Da Lawyer! Wonderfully explained and certainly it makes sense. And hopefully this will get it out of the media to some degree and cool things off. As for this made up explosion about Ann Romney, I think that most women see this for what it is. A blatent attempt to help Willard Mitt Romney with his gender gap problem. Certainly, women who make the decision to stay at home and raise their kids deserve respect. But to say it wasn’t easy, the rest of us non-millionaires really know how tough it is to raise kids with no help,have one house (or apartment), hopefully 1 car, and no dressage horses to help pass the time of day!! Give me a break! Ann Romney can’t relate to anyone outside her life experiences, which we would all love to have!

  12. Gregor says:

    Marrying an incredibly rich man and pledging allegiance to a cult which keeps women in perpetual 2nd class status isn’t a good decision, it’s an easy way out. I have no problem with it. But call it what it is, Steven. I’m sorry your life wasn’t Easy Street. I’m sorry your financial dificulties helped to cause the demise of your marriage. But if you want to celebrate good decisions, learn something from Mathangi Arulpragasam (MIA). She was abducted, when she was a child, because her father was involved in Sri Lankan Politics. She later moved to London, where she went to art school, and began recording music. By the time she appeared with Madonna, at the Super Bowl Half Time Show, and gave the world “The Finger,” she had every right to express her contempt for the sadistic celebration of violence masquerading as televised football. MIA is defined by her choices, good or bad. Ann Romney is defined by her husband, which is the easy way out.

  13. Gregor says:

    Wow, Vince!

    I agree. I totally agree, Babs. “Wonderfully Explained.”

    I have such a secret crush on the way lawyers are trained to see conflict. Thanks for showing us how things look, from the legal perspective. I’m glad Zimmerman is in jail. It will certainly be interesting to see how this case effects the country. Will we learn? Will we turn it into a media spectacle? I could guess. But I’d rather watch it unfold and make crap out of it. Don’t know what it’s going to take before we understand guns are an epidemic in America. At the worst, Zimmerman or Trayvon should have a broken nose or busted lip. But for a 17-year old kid to be dead is a sickness in society that’s reached the level of pandemic.

  14. Andy says:

    Did the Lawya paraphrase Alan Dershowitzs article. I think I read the same thing in the Huffington Post. Shouldnt Zimmerbitch just plea out and hope for ten years?

    • Vicky says:

      So, Tam we should not intiiate a citizen/ neighborhood watch and the time and energy, of that limited resource I call my life, that I exchanged for the dollars to buy my property is not worth defending?Every one is ass-u-me-ing that Zimmerman followed to confront, it is possible he was just trying to keep an eye on the kid Travon, Who the noticed Zimmerman and decided to stop and confront the guy following him and a confruntation ensued. I work nights as a security guard non-commissioned (unarmed). Observe and report. I have the benefit of a uniform and I have still been confronted and accused of profiling when a try to keep track of everyone that I don’t know that passes through my property.But why are we arguing about this? This is between the state of Florida and the parties involved. This has nothing to do with us no matter what the media wants to believe.As other have pointed out, Hindsight is always 20/20, and it’s easy to second guess the man on the ground.If the kid had been up to know good Zimmerman had just let him go, and we found out about it we all be bitchen about why didn’t he do something.

  15. Marie says:

    I am going for a walk. When life starts to get too complicated, like it has lately, I take a walk. Today I have a Sunny Chicago sky to walk under ! My brain needs a break. Greg, if I had that punching bag, I would be punching it right about now, too…THEN I would be off for my walk !

    Marie…Chicagoland :love:

  16. Tifhany says:

    For those that consider this inncdeit a failure of “Stand Your Ground” law, one quip.”When seconds count, the cops are minutes away.”I thought the 911 dispatcher forgot to mention to Zimmerman — “We are on the way. We will take care of it.”I figure that getting folks out for Neighborhood Watch only occurs in neighborhoods with an ongoing problem. The kind of problems that the police haven’t taken care of. The Watch, in theory, should be spotters and inform the police of problems, then let “justice” take it’s course.Walking (or driving) through a neighborhood with active Neighborhood Watch folk and signs should raise a yellow flag for anyone, resident or not, that there are problems and people are watchful and suspicious of outsiders and of “suspicious” behavior. That is, keep your nose clean, respect the concerns of the residents, keep it polite and quiet.Did Zimmerman believe the police were not on the way? Was Miller doing something that raised above the Neighborhood Watch threshhold, or that Zimmerman might have been wary of?Why was Trayvon walking through a “gated community” at night? Would Trayvon, at any time, have stopped beating the old guy to death, merely because the guy wasn’t African American?I dunno. It happened in Florida, I won’t be setting on any jury or Grand Jury. And I don’t see myself “gunning” for anyone. But setting one’s self above the law, like the hate mongers, doesn’t seem to settle any issues.

  17. I often read your page and always find it very interesting. Thought it was about time I let you know, Keep up the great work.

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