GOLF STORY

Frank and the Fucking Golf Channel. To be Brutal, to be Frank, he even watches Chick Golf (though I noticed, he eyeballs Michelle Wie with questionable intent).

Don’t worry, this ain’t no Stinkin’ Golf Story. This is a story of Change.

Change a chef can believe in. Yes We Cook!

Freddy Couples makes golf look effortless. Repetition has created a swing that looks completely natural. Feddy Couples knows the formula…

Consistency + Time = Golf Mastery

At this point, it looks like a gift. This gift taunts Brutally Frank, making him look to the heavens for an answer.

Is it God Given? It it hard work? Is it genetics?

Or, to the cynic from The Bronx, is this the advantage of rich parents who could afford all the trimmings associated with golf clubs?

Last week, I hit the golf course. I took the Yoga Approach: pay attention to my breathing, relax into my swing, slow down, sloooooow down.

Most of all, summon my Inner Yoga Master by pretending not to notice the sweaty chicks in Lululemon. FOUR!!!

To quiet my mind, I think about Copacabana Beach. To quiet my mind, I think about Rio. I put questions out of my mind, questions which I have no control over, questions like: how come I’m not married, how come I don’t have kids, where’s my McMansion with the heated bathroom floors, where’s my 4-door Porsche for carpooling, are sweater vests really coming back?

For 18-holes, I flirt with tranquility. I concentrate on not concentrating. For 18-holes, I hum along to Kanye West.

“So I roll through good, Y’all, pop the trunk, I pop the hood, Ferrari, And she got the goods, And she got that Ass, I got to look, Sorry, Yo it’s got to be cuz I’m seasoned, Haters give me them salty looks, Lawry’s.”

President Obama is the Zen Master. He never gets too high. He never gets too low.

He has a world class Pa-Pa-Pa-Poker Face. President Obama knows the formula…

Consistency + Time = American Exceptionalism

He also has Michelle Obama’s sweet, sweet tucas. Of course, when Barack sneaks a peek, when he goes looking for trouble, it ain’t no Quran Burning. He doesn’t have to apologize.

The Club Sandwich at Max’s Deli:

  • 3 pieces whole wheat toast smeared with mayo
  • 4 long tooth picks
  • 4 crisp slices bacon broke in half
  • 1/2 firm avocado sliced thin with a squeeze of lemon and kosher salt
  • 6 firm leaves iceberg
  • 1/4 # ham sliced thin
  • 1/4 # turkey sliced thin
  • firm beefsteak tomato 3 thin even slices
  • 3 extra thin rounds of red onion
  • 1 new pickle cut into 4 1/2 inch rounds
  1. put one piece toast mayo up on cutting board
  2. add 2 slices lettuce, ham, 1 round onion, bacon, tomato, avocado
  3. add 2nd piece toast mayo up, lettuce, turkey, onion, bacon, tomato, avocado
  4. 3rd slice toast mayo down
  5. put each toothpick in middle of each crust 1/4 inch in with pickle on top
  6. cut thru fat sammi from corner to corner, like a “X”, with sharp straight edge knife…very slowly
  7. sit crust down on plate with tip up
  8. if you’re like me, add pickled jalapenos, too
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9 Responses to GOLF STORY

  1. ROY says:

    I love Michelle Wie. Miss hearing your Dad on the radio. Wish he had talked more about golf and less about politics. Things are certainly getting strange, these days. Do you think we’ll get The Oy Vey Guys back on the radio in time for the election? That’d be fun.

    By the way, I’m 1st.

  2. Ronnie says:

    Thanks for the club sandwich recipe. I’ll try it with pickled jalapenos.

  3. dean says:

    I want brutally frank on WGN 5 days a week!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Michelle Wee was hot at 15 and hit the crap out of the ball. Will she ever win? Seems not. But she is still a sexy athlete with legs up to her ears

  5. JewKnows says:

    Great job, Jojo. A fucking recipe for a sandwich? How about a recipe for ice!

    4 long tooth picks? Really? Are they kosher?

    After posting the SECRETE INGREDIENTS (including the secret magic things you use to hold deli sandwiches together), did you really think we NEEDED cooking, no wait, assembly instructions?

    But the best part is that you revealed that we should put it on a plate.

    Truly incredible. How could the food network miss such greatness?

  6. jojo says:

    As long as you keep reading and commenting me happy J-Kno :love:

  7. Edwardo says:

    Bra, you need help. Here’s my recipe for Crazy Chicken:

    6 boneless skinless chicken breasts
    2 cups salsa
    1 tablespoon honey
    1 teaspoon cumin
    1 teaspoon chili powder
    ½ tablespoon ketchup
    ½ tablespoon mustard
    Directions:
    1 Place chicken in crockpot. 2 Mix remaining ingredients and pour over chicken. 3 Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. 4 Serve over rice or noodles.

  8. jojo says:

    Recan pollo muchas gracias!

  9. Sara B says:

    Hello! I love your writing very much.

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