We Are The Champions, My Friends

Can the news please stop covering shootings? Especially school shootings.

We obviously don’t care. Not really. The only reason we’re covering the school shooting in Ohio is so the newscaster can look sullen and say something to the families of the victims like, “You’re in our thoughts and prayers.”

Who in the hell wants a newscaster’s thoughts and prayers? Who wants anyone’s thoughts and prayers? No one does. Not really. I’ll take meaningful debate, legislative action or your credit card number. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

We celebrate the wrong people. Then we turn around and silence the right people.

Sasha Baron Cohen was the most entertaining part of The Red Carpet. Sasha Baron Cohen was almost forbidden from appearing on the Red Carpet. To promote his new movie, he came dressed as a dictator. Strangely enough, in case you couldn’t guess, Sasha Baron Cohen’s new movie is called “The Dictator.”

What’s the point of The Red Carpet? I’ll tell you the point: to promote shitty movies. In most cases, extremely loud and incredibly shitty moives.

God how I hated The Oscars.

Last year, the show was hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway. I didn’t think it was possible for The Oscars to suck more ass. But I was wrong. It was possible. Thanks for proving me wrong, Billy Crystal.

The most interesting moment of the entire show was when Octavia Spenser won for best supporting actress. She got a standing ovation. Of course Octavia Spenser got a standing ovation for her role in “The Help.” White People love giving Black People standing ovations. It makes us feel integrated, on the inside.

Enough Meryl Streep. Enough Billy Crystal. Enough Tom Hanks. More Chris Rock. More Emma Stone bantering with Ben Stiller. More Bridesmaids (God how I love The Bridesmaids). More Ricky Gervais. Please, for the love of God, more Ricky Gervais. If anything, The Oscars proved, once and for all, that Ricky Gervais is one funny motherfucker.

The other side of funny is the burning of the Quran. The people of Afghanistan are upset. The people of Afghanistan are incredibly upset. No one seems to understand why. No one seems willing to step back to take-in the reaction and try to diagnose what they’re telling us. They’re telling us to get out of their country. The people of Afghanistan are telling us they don’t like being occupied.

It’s not like Occupy Wall Street, which is a metaphor for occupying a mindset so we can finally have accountability. It’s different. Extremely different. The occupation in Afghanistan is real. No matter how well intended, no matter how noble the cause, no one likes being occupied. No one likes the feeling of being attacked. Not really.

Trust me, I was in New York City when we were attacked on 9/11. Al-Qaeda thought they were liberating Americans from the tyranny of capitalism. Whatever their intention, however holy the cause, it felt awful.

The low flying planes were terrorizing; I couldn’t sleep. The smell of burning bodies was the most oppressive thing I’ve ever had to try and put out of my mind; I couldn’t put it out of my mind. Funny thing about a smell, you can’t put it out of your mind. Actually, it’s the un-funny thing about a smell.

This is why Church doesn’t blend with State. It’s absolute.

You know what makes me vomit? Rick Santorum makes me vomit. He’s been alive long enough to be considered an adult. Yet his thoughts are childish. He has an imaginary friend. He’s uncomfortable with Gay Sex. He has his name embroidered on a sweater vest like a small child who has his mittens clipped to his winter coat, so he won’t forget.

Rick Santorum is the worst kind of snob, the kind of snob who looks down on achievement. What the fuck is that all about? Seriously, what the fuck? I’m a grown-up. I’m allowed to swear when I’m pissed-off at a button-pusing sociopath.

Go home, Rick. Go back to Pennsylvania. Grow-up, Rick. Take your losses. Take-in your losses. Try to find the meaningful lesson from your failures, like the rest of us in adult life. Your kids are allowed to have an imaginary friend. Not you, Rick. You’re not allowed. Not anymore. By the way, he’s not called Jesus. He’s called Snuffleupagus.

God how I hate Rick Santorum.

In real news, my best friend, Vinny Vegas, coached his daughter’s basketball team all the way to a championship victory. He texted me on Sunday to share the win. When I got the text, it felt like I was having a Mighty Ducks Moment.

Sometimes we celebrate the right people. By the way, Vinny Vegas got every single girl on the team an MVP Trophy.

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0 Responses to We Are The Champions, My Friends

  1. Walnut says:

    Good universe moments! Yay Misfits!

  2. Gregor says:

    Yay Misfits!

  3. Andy says:

    Healthy blog. You hate this celebrity culture as much as i do Greg. We do celebrate the wrong people in this 3rd World Bananna Republic. Nobel Prize winners charge 30K to speak at Rutgers and a degenerate slut reality star gets 32k. Madness! Guns preserve freedom, I sent you a picture of my friends collection did yout get it?

  4. Gregor says:

    Didn’t get the picture. I’ll check again. Please don’t forget, Andy, this Spring you’re taking me shooting. Next time I visit my parents in Arizona, I’m getting a carry concealed permit. Guns don’t preserve freedom. But I’d rather have a gun and not need it than need a gun and not have it. There, I’m becoming the Jew equivalent of Clint Eastwood. Hey, I could do worse.

  5. ROY says:

    Beautiful kids. Nice job, Coach!

  6. Robert says:

    I’m officially done with The Oscars. The men look like Billionaire Brats. The women look like Fuck Toys. Makes me wonder: how much money, how much attention, how much self-congratulatory grandstanding is enough?!!

  7. Jennifer says:

    I, for one, wouldn’t want to be in Arizona without a gun.

  8. Brandy L. says:

    Woody Allen got it right…make great movies and skip the stupid awards shows. It’s all politics, when it gets right down to it. I loved “Midnight In Paris.” What an amazing imagination and impressive body of work. As for the self-promoters…what do you expect? It’s all about pretty dresses, red lipstick and who can create the most buzz by showing the most skin. Much to my surprise, Angelina’s right leg beat J-LO’s left nipple.

  9. Sean says:

    What a beautiful group of girls. They look so confident, on the basketball court. It’s so nice to see a father encouraging his daughter to get in the game instead of cheering on the sidelines. What an amazing time for little girls. Nice job, Coach! Very inspiring ending to an otherwise sad blog.

  10. Candy says:

    I can see how much you admire your best friend, Greg. For good reason. Thanks for sharing the good news. It’s been a pretty upsetting week, already. The shooting on Monday and the primary on Tuesday. It looks like Santorum is going to win in Michigan. I know this is what the Republican Party wants. And they should have the candidate they want, for sure. But it really shows you how much they hate us. It’s scary to think of how little respect they truly have for women. Thank God for men like Vinny Vegas…GO TEAM!

  11. jojo says:

    I’m in AZ. No gun. No biggie pussycat :love:

  12. Amy says:

    Still have not recovered from your Lobster Video, JoJo. But I have to admit, I am looking forward to the next video. You and your brother are funny on camera. I think your brother missed his calling. I still laugh when I think about him at the hotdog stand in “Chefs Versus City.” You guys stole the show. I full expected them to bring you back in the 2nd season as the hosts of the show. Too bad, my husband and I would have loved to watch The Morelli Brothers as they take their food skills on the road: Must See TV!!!

  13. Howard says:

    Nice job, Coach. :D

  14. Anonymous says:

    They hate us, they hate their women, the women who vote for Santorum hate themselves. Sounds like a party of haters to me!

  15. Anonymous Jr. says:

    Hate is pretty powerful stuff. Anger feels important. Disliking something or someone else immediately makes you more important than the object of your disdain. People like feeling important. Beware of a party of haters. They’re more likely to vote than a party that crosses its fingers and bets on hope. It’s not enough for President Obama to win in 2012. He must win with a mandate no one can misunderestimate.

  16. Suzanne says:

    S-U-C-C-E-S-S. That’s the way we spell success. Yay Team!

  17. Rudy says:

    Loved the video. But I don’t think I’m ever eating lobster again.


  18. Bethany says:

    I wonder if Santorum is going to win tonight in Michigan? I really hope he does. Mitt Romney is reasonable and pragmatic and would probably make a perfectly fine president. But that’s not what the Republican Party is, not anymore. For better or worse, Rick Santorum is the right guy for the job, in 2012. I hope Michigan does the right thing by picking the wrong guy for the broken party. Maybe if Rick Santorum gets the nomination, The GOP will finally be able to see how out of touch they’ve becomen. Then, with some work, they can come back to Earth and become a real party, once again.

  19. Peraza says:

    Here is an example of how Rick Santorum used his power as a senator to take a bribe and then try and prevent the release of weather info for free when his buddies wanted to charge for it….

    Santorum introduced the National Weather Service Duties Act of 2005 which aimed to prohibit the National Weather Service from releasing weather data to the public without charge where private-sector entities perform the same function commercially. The Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association was organizing a lobbying effort in opposition to the legislation, but it never passed committee.The motivations surrounding the bill were controversial, as employees of AccuWeather, a commercial weather company based in Pennsylvania, donated $10,500 to Santorum and his PAC. The liberal advocacy group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington cited the bill as one of several reasons for listing Santorum as one of its “most corrupt politicians”. In support of the bill, Santorum criticized the National Weather Service in September 2005, saying its evacuation warnings for Hurricane Katrina were “insufficient

  20. Peraza says:

    ] In support of the bill, Santorum criticized the National Weather Service in September 2005, saying its evacuation warnings for Hurricane Katrina were “insufficient

  21. Kip says:

    This Brave New World we enter without serious reflection and examination offers a despotism, an evolution of authoritarian power, that will be as frightening as any envisioned in 20th century literature. I see masses of people, mediated by medication, institutions, and screens, thinking they are free while a-musing themselves into greater depths of serfdom. It is a much more sophisticate and stealth power trip that the Stalinists, Maoists, or national socialists.
    I hope I’m wrong but history shows us the vast majority of the population will take the easier path every time and that there is always a vanguard of people ruthless enough, ethically challenged enough, an self-serving enough to take advantage of that human tendency.
    Your technocratic overlords are not your friends.

    Even this Gregor blog limits you thoughts to 250 words . . .

  22. Kip says:

    This is the dusk of civilization. A new Dark Ages approaches as, “you need not necessarily be literate”. The emerging technocratic priesthood of programmers and econometric fetishizers will deny this because they do not understand history but, Socrates was against the written language as it would cause a “Great Forgetting”. The ancient mind practiced powerful techniques of memorization, call it bio-RAM if you like, and were able to use that which is between their ears to retain vast stores of information. Admittedly, these late stages of technological development offer vast stores of information in a more democratic fashion and on a much quicker platform. Yet, this move toward applications that will, if the Socratic example above offers any guide, result in the de-literization of humanity – save for that small technocratic priesthood that will program the expanding numbers of human livestock that subsist upon their plantations.

  23. Ann Nonimus says:

    Right wingers always telling us what’s going to happen, not what is. And when none of what they say happens, they just ignore their prognostications!

  24. Gregor says:

    Not sure. Re-read it 3-times. Still don’t understand. Don’t think it’s over my head, though. Think it’s what James Brown called “Talking Loud And Saying Nothing.”

  25. jojo says:

    If there is a god Kip would really be back. Please oh lord bless us with his true return. If that is really Kip, please remind us what got you thrown off Greg’s radio show…

  26. Kip says:

    Your family, who all claim to be liberal and open minded, attacked me for having a differing opinion. The attacks were severe, meant to injure and were mean. I supported Hillary and thought, and still think, that the great one, the messiah, the chosen one, gave great speeches but had no substance or heart. I thought, and still think, he is a Muslim, not that there is a problem with that, but that he is a liar who will do anything to get elected. He promised the world in run.

    You and your conformist family bowed down and asked no questions. I had questions and your entire family CALLED ME A RACIST. All of you did exactly what you hated George Bush for doing. The entire episode revealed that your family is lackimg character. Since then, you have lost everything. Your radio show, the restaurant, your souls and your balls.

  27. Gregor says:

    Things end. We didn’t “lose” the radio show. We didn’t “lose” the restaurant. They ran their course. We ended them. At the time, it was difficult, for sure. But if I look at what I’ve been able to do since then, I know it was the right decision. At least, for those projects. As for my soul, I don’t think anyone knows if they spent their brief time here in the right spirit until 50-years after you die. I just re-read “To Kill A Mockingbird,” on the 50th anniversary of its publishing. There is no doubt Harper Lee did something special while she was here.

    Regarding my balls, Kip, lick ‘em, Bitch! One of the best things I ever did was end our friendship.

  28. Ann Nonimus says:

    Give it up. She never really liked you, anyway!!

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