GREG AND BETSY, DRESSED AS A DUKE AND KING, ON A RAFT FLOATING DOWN THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER
Last night we saw an awesome movie.
Last night we were asked to dig a little deeper.
Last night we learned to see fireflies like the north star, as a guiding light.
ON THE RAFT, DOING ALL THE WORK, DOING ALL THE ROWING AND STEERING, ARE A CARTOON VERSION OF BETSY AND GREG, AS NEGROS
I’m a Disney Nerd. I like chasing fireflies!
Less talking. More rowing. Last night we learned crockodiles like to play trumpet, so stop being scared of crockodiles. It’s a bad wrap. Good thing Disney has finally decided to get out of the pick on crockodiles game.
So true. They get a bad wrap. Actually, I think he’s a Gator. Alligators live in swamps.
It’s true! In The Rescuers, they’re left to be the Evil Henchmen. In Fantasia, they have to lift the Hippos. In Peter Pan, they have to eat Captain Hook. May cruelty to Gators and Crocs end with this movie! As you can tell, I’m a Disney Nerd, too.
Less talking. More sandwich making. What happens when you’re a hustler who dreams of running the town of New Orleans? What happens when you’re a gator who dreams of playing jazz with humans. What happens when you’re a fireflie who falls in love with the north star?
What happens when you spend your whole life living for the dream of opening a restaurant? What happens when you spend your whole life living for the dream of marrying for money?
A dream is a wish your heart makes.
You gotta dig a little deeper when the north shore winks at you. Sorry, I meant “north star,” not north shore. Freudian slip! When the north shore winks at you, it’s time to buy your wife a Lexus.
Stop picking on the north shore. You got a 1979 Pontiac Firebird when you turned 16. You had a tutor with a Winnebago who drove to your house and tutored you when it was time to take the SAT’s. Your parents were happy. Your dad made a mean Egg-In-The-Hole. You talk about “digging a little deeper.” But your complaining is too one-sided.
Less psychoanalysis. More mustard on my sandwich. What happens when you work so hard to live your dream that life passes you by?
For easy money, you might kiss a frog. There’s no such thing as easy money. You’ve got to endure the swamp. You’ve got to endure the monsters.
You’ve got to endure the nay-sayers. Endure the wrong ways.
Endure the servant who secretly hates you. Stand up! Serve yourself! Endure and find love. Make a ring out of nothing. Pledge your heart with reckless abandon to the north star: she’s there, she’s real, even when she seems too far away to be within reach.
You have to look into The Gumbo. You have to trust the magic. Sometimes, to make things come together, all you need is 2 drops of Tabasco.
Unlike Snow White, who sat at a well, waiting, wishing for someone to come. Unlike Sleeping Beauty, who couldn’t wake up on her own. Unlike Ariel, who wanted to be someone else. Am I right? Ladies?
Not only are you right. Something seems to be happening…
A SWIRL OF FIREFLIES SURROUND THE RAFT
THE GLOW BECOMES SO BRIGHT
IT OVER POWERS EVERYTHING
SUDDENLY THE RAFT IS A YACHT
CARTOON GREG AND BETSY BECOME REAL
REAL GREG AND BETSY BECOME PUPPETS
DONALD TRUMP, BERNIE MADOFF AND CONAN O’BRIEN APPEAR
THEY ARE CARTOONS, NEGROS
Why am I in this? What did I do?
When you first got started, they called you “The Whitest White Man on TV.”
Payback is a bitch.
Fuck you, Bernie. What do you know about payback?
Cartoon characters don’t swear. Not in a Disney Movie.
Fuck you, Donald. You’re fired!
CARTOON O’BRIEN TURNS ON A DUST BUSTER
HE SUCKS CARTOON TRUMP AND CARTOON MADOFF INTO THE DUST BUSTER
THE DUST BUSTER LOOKS MISERABLE
GREG AND BETSY ARE BEHIND THE YACHT
ON TOP OF A WATER SKIING PYRAMID OF GIRLS IN BATHING CAPS
The Prince is a well rounded character. Unlike The Prince in Cinderella or The Prince in Snow White, who are really just there to be pretty. Not that I have a problem with men being trophies.
The prince isn’t a good guy. He becomes a good guy. In the beginning, he’s mister handsome, mister charming. He’s slime…
…not mucus. There is a difference. So what does our heroine learn? I mean, it takes her forever to get it. Even when The Prince gets it, and you can see it in his eyes. Even when Ray, the firefly, explains it, she still doesn’t get it. Even when her mom, voiced by Oprah, tells her…The most important thing is love. The most important thing is family. It makes the dream complete. It makes the dream real. Ray had the dream. Ray’s dream came true, even though it was tragic.
The Father, The Son and The Holy Bug.
A bug’s gotta do what a bug’s gotta do.
Ray had the light from the beginning. Lighting everyone elses way but always keeping his eye on his heart and his true love in the sky, the north star: God. Our guiding light. Ray had God’s love before anyone else dared. He was the last one to stop singing because he had music in his heart.
He got it and wanted the others to get it too.
Even if it meant getting stepped on to show others how to see the light in their life. The heroine learns it’s better to be hopping along with someone you love than running around in your dream, alone. Tell me, Betsy, the blind woman in the swamp who sees: what does she see?
She sees what people need but she guides them to it. She doesn’t tell them.
She does give The Prince an earful. Doesn’t she?
Yep, he needs the wake up call.
CARTOON O’BRIEN SUDDENLY HAS A PENCIL THIN MUSTACHE
HE TURNS THE YACHT SHARPLY RIGHT
THE PYRAMID OF WATER SKIERS COLLAPSES INTO THE WATER
I love The Villan: he was part Jafar, part Captain Hook with a splash of spooky spirits from Fantasia; he had a pencil thin mustache. Never trust a man with a pencil thin mustache. I am The King of all Disney Nerds!
THE 2ND MATE APPEARS WITH A FLASHLIGHT UNDER HIS CHIN
In the year 2000. In the year 2000!
CARTOON O’BRIEN TURNS THE YACHT SHARPLY LEFT
THE DUST BUSTER SLAMS INTO THE SIDE OF THE YACHT
DUST SPILLS OUT
A SWIRL OF FIREFLIES SURROUND THE DUST
BERNIE MADOFF AND DONALD TRUMP APPEAR
IN ORANGE JUMP SUITS
THEY THROW LIFE PRESERVERS TO ALL THE WATER SKIERS
THEN OVERPOWER CARTOON O’BRIEN
BY PELTING HIM WITH ENDLESS MONEY
FIREFLIES SWIRL INTO THE MONEY
IT BECOMES A GIANT TIDAL WAVE OF LIGHT
WHICH SWALLOWS EVERYTHING
PUPPET GREG AND PUPPET BETSY ARE SITTING AT THE BAR OF JOEY’S BRICKHOUSE
DONALD TRUMP AND BERNIE MADOFF ARE BEING ESCORTED AWAY
IN HANDCUFFS, LOOKING HAPPY TO FINALLY FACE JUSTICE
CONAN O’BRIEN IS BARTENDING
HE IS WEARING A DISNEY NERD T-SHIRT
HE TAKES OFF HIS PENCIL THIN MUSTACHE AND POURS PUPPET BETSY A BEAM AND COKE
HE KISSES PUPPET BETSY AND TURNS INTO THE WHITEST WHITE FROG
Kissing is magic!
You know, a kiss fixes everything. Always: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and The Beast. They are all saved by a kiss.
This movie is nerd love. This movie is hand drawn magic. Not slime…
…but mucus. There is a difference.
There is a big difference. You’ve got to dig a little deeper. You gotta sing along. You gotta keep singing. Even when everyone else stops. You may have ambition, you may have a dream, but you are lost until you get really, really lost and then allow yourself to be guided by the light in your heart. Until you are guided by your heart, you’re lost. You have no love.
Amen. Oh, and be nice to Gators. They play a mean trumpet!
GIRLS IN BATHING CAPS FROM THE WATER SKIING PYRAMID WALK INTO JOEY’S BRICKHOUSE
PUPPET GREG GETS UP FROM THE BAR AND WALKS OVER TO THE HOST STAND
HE GRABS A STACK OF MENUS AND SEATS THEM WITH A DUKE, KING AND WHITE FROG
FIREFLIES SWIRL THE TABLE
A JAZZ TRUMPET WAILS