I just want to say it’s not terrorizing to ignite a bomb on an airplane. It’s obnoxious. It’s rude. But it’s not terrorizing. We’re used to it. We’re not surprised. Which means it’s not terrorizing. Sorry, but if you want to be a terrorist, if you want to be “terrorizing,” you have to come up with something we don’t expect, on any level. That’s why 9/11 was terrorizing. We didn’t see it coming, we didn’t expect it, on any level. But now, if you want to be a terrorist, if you want to be terrorizing, you have to take it up a notch. Not repeat the same, dumb trick. By the way, it was a dumb trick in New York. It was a dumb trick in Detroit.
Congratulations to the senate for passing health care reform. It’s historic. It deserves to be celebrated. Why is it we’re never happy? Why is it never enough? I get it, I wanted single-payer. I get it, I wanted the public option. I get it, I want what I want when I want it. But that’s not the way it works. That’s never been the way it works. The only time it worked that way was when the country was hijacked. Now that was terrorizing. The election of 2000, and the Supreme Court decision in Bush V. Gore, was terrorizing.
I’m not afraid of idiots on airplanes. I’ll take the bomb, stick it up their ass and cut off their penis to spare the 72 virgins. I’m not afraid of idiots on airplanes. But sneaky politicians, who steal elections, like George W. Bush from Texas and Ahmed-A-Scum-A-Zod from Iran, now those guys are world-class terrorists.
I just want to say we don’t need to make everyone crazy in airports. It’s obnoxious. It’s rude. And clearly, it doesn’t work. I’m tired of taking off my shoes. I’m tired of throwing away my hair gel. It’s expensive buying hair gel every time your plane lands. All airports should have a Jewfro exemption clause. I’m waaaay more afraid of a bad hair day than I am of an Orange Alert.
Congratulations to James Cameron for making “Avatar” worth seeing. Congratulations to Clint Eastwood for making “Invictus” worth seeing. Congratulations to George Clooney for making “Up In The Air” worth seeing. Congratulations to Twizzler for making every movie worth seeing. But whatever movie you see, trust me on this, don’t ride home with Joey. After a movie, when he farts, it’s a Twizzler-Fart…“Twart.”
I just want to say it’s not terrorizing to hate America. It’s obnoxious. It’s rude. But it’s not terrorizing. There’s plenty of Americans who hate America, and for good reason: bankers don’t go to jail for bankrupting the world economy, but petty drug dealers go to jail for selling a dime bag of pot; these same bankers get bonuses while unemployment eats away at the middle class; these same bankers get TARP money and then freeze small business loans while small businesses can’t make payroll, or get new inventory, or even afford to throw a small Christmas Party, or even afford to buy a dime bag of pot to relax their struggling nerves. So yeah, hating America isn’t terrorizing. As a matter of fact, instead of igniting bombs on airplanes or crashing airplanes into buildings, if Al Qaeda really wants to be terrorizing, I suggest moving to America, getting a green card and supporting Dennis Kucinich. That’d be terrorizing to Americans who deserve to be terrorized. Not people in coach. Believe me, if you’re sitting in coach, the legroom is a terrorizing reminder of how little the corporations who currently rule America really think of you.
Congratulations to the 72 virgins who don’t have to schtup another boring martyr. The only thing worse than having sex with a virgin is pillow talk with a martyr. Blah, Blah, Blah, Allah! Hey Osama, I’ll give you 100,000 of my Frequent Flier Miles on 1 condition: you have to ride middle seat in coach.
Now that’s terrorizing.