Mom took me out for lunch at Maggiano’s.
We talked about our restaurant, trying as hard as we can to stay open, even as slow nights don’t make payroll any easier. We talked about the holidays, trying as hard as we can to keep perspective, even as coupons don’t make buying gifts any easier. Finally, we talked about what Mom really wanted to talk about, The Blog.
Yesterday, in keeping with his name, North Shore D-Bag posted a comment on “Food Fight.” The details of the comment revealed enough about my past to let me know it was one of my oldest childhood friends, Peter. Or, as I called him, Pete.
Pete thought calling me out for buying him gas with my Dad’s credit card, back when we were in high school, would be a truthful way of reminding me who I really am. Looking back, Pete never had much use for the truth, unless it was something he could bend to make hurtful.
Maybe, just maybe, before hitting send, Pete should have reflected on how sad it was, using me for gas, when beneath it, all I wanted was his friendship. Maybe, just maybe, before hitting send, Pete should have reflected on how abusive it was, thinking that putting me in my place, all these years later, was funny. It’s not funny. It never was funny. It’s tired, like our friendship.
Truth is, I never bought Pete gas with my Dad’s credit card. At least, I don’t remember buying Pete gas with my Dad’s credit card. Truth is, if I did, in fact, buy Pete gas with my Dad’s credit card, I know this, I know this for sure: I wouldn’t be surprised. Why? I’ll tell you why.
I was insecure. I was deeply insecure. Back then, I would have done anything for Pete’s friendship, like drive all the way East to pick up Pete first, so he could ride shotgun, then drive all the way West to pick up everyone else, then drive all the way back East. God forbid Pete should have to call “Shotgun.” This was too upsetting for Pete. Grounds for ending our friendship, or riding with someone else. I remember going through this. More than once, I remember going through this. Looking back, wish I’d left him at home. Looking back, wish I’d kept shotgun empty. It would have made for better company.
Wish I’d known myself better. Wish I’d liked myself more.
I’ve been too busy being a good son. I’ve been too busy being a good brother. I’ve been too busy being a good friend to everyone else besides me. Wish I could kick myself in the ass. I know, I know, it’s a little late. I know, I know, before December is over, I’ll be 42. But maybe, just maybe, before I hit send, instead…this time I’ll hit delete, call a truce with myself, tug one out and call it a night. Not a chance!
Back to the story. Back to the facts. Back to my Dad’s credit card.
One of Pete’s brothers stole my Dad’s credit card, right out of the top drawer of my Dad’s grey lucite desk. Pete’s brother went on a shopping spree, which is so North Shore. Pete’s brother got caught, which is so North Shore. When it came time to prosecute, my parents asked the police to drop all charges, which is a shame. They should have prosecuted. I don’t mean that. But I wish I did. Unfortunately, my parents raised me to give a shit.
Which brings me to lunch at Maggiano’s. My mom, who gives a shit more than anyone I have ever known, took me to lunch so she could tell me that as soon as she read the comment on “Food Fight,” she knew it was Pete. But, as much as she disliked Pete, on every level, as far back as childhood, she thought my reply was crude, at best.
So now, if you’ve read this far, you’re asking yourself, “How crude was he? What crude thing did Gregor say?” Here’s what…
I followed Pete’s logic. He outted me. So I outted him. I took his old trick and bent the truth. I outted both of us. I admitted to buying him gas and sucking his cock.
I was raised on the North Shore. But I grew up in New York. In the gay bars of New York, I learned a very important lesson. Here’s what I learned: more frightening than a fist, more frightening than a brawl, is a kiss from another man. When you kiss a straight man, you’re calling him out for flirting. When you kiss a straight man, you’re calling him gay. You’re socking him in the pride, where insecurity hides.
Pete knows North Shore Greg. We grew up together. Pete never met New York Greg. Until today. Once Pete hit send, everything was set in motion. Instinct kicked in. My subconscious New Yorker dipped into his gay bar bag-of-tricks. I came out, and with me, into the light, into the glaring light of the judgmental North Shore, I dragged a North Shore Douche Bag.
Is it true? Did I buy Pete gas? Did I use my Dad’s credit card to buy friendship? Is it true? Did I suck Pete’s cock? Is he a fag? Am I a fag? Does it matter? Does any of it matter? This week, with Uganda making it legal to kill men & women for being gay, it’s time for all of us to come out. It’s time for all of us to snatch frequent flier miles from Dad’s credit card and fly gay men & women out of Uganda. Let’s send them where it’s safe. Let’s send them where marriage is equal. You know, rational countries like Canada or South Africa.
Truth is, like most families in America, my family has a hard time with me. Truth is, when it comes to how I‘ve lived my life, they don’t approve of my “alternative lifestyle.” They try. But sometimes, like right now, as they’re reading this stupid blog, I’m too out.
It makes them uncomfortable. It makes them cringe. They want me to tone it down. They want me to make it “friendly to advertisers.” This is code for make it “straight.” The thing is, straight doesn’t only apply to sexual orientation. Neither does gay.
My brother calls me “gay” all the time. He’s right. I have been saved by the gay agenda, hallelujah! The gay agenda is an agenda of being true to yourself.
Truth is, like most families from the North Shore, my family wishes I’d stayed North Shore Greg. It would have been easier. I can see it when they’re talking to me, telling me how I should write, and as they tell me, I get upset. When this happens, and it always does, they look down.
Don’t get me wrong, when I get upset and they look down, they’re not looking down on me. They love me too much. What they’re doing is looking down so they can bend the truth to make it less hurtful. In this small way, which is huge, which is everything, they’re the opposite of Pete.
Even so, once, just once, at Maggiano’s, for lunch, over linguini and white clam sauce, I wish Mom would take my side, all the way, see wisdom in my side, all the way, encourage me, and my writing, to come out, all the way.
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Why didn’t Peter just use his real name. What was he afraid of? I remember in school, when a boy was bothering and picking on a girl, he really wanted her attention as he was attracted to her and couldn’t find the appropriate manner to get his feelings across.
Jealous Pete admires you Greg. More than that, he wonders what it would feel like to be in your arms. It’s sad, but only because he only knows how to erupt with anger, rather than to erupt wit love.
Jealous Pete may have wanted more back then, but if you thin he’s confused now, back then Jealous Pete was even more of a tangled mess of confused emotions.
Jealous Pete, let go. Free yourself. And by the way, when Greg jokes about the North Shore, he does so as he harbors, in my humble opinion, some of the fondest memories of his life. Making fun of where you grew up is just comedy schtick. time to grow up Jealous Pete.
Oh Vey!
I had no idea that there were so many gay black men in Uganda. I happen to be in the porn business. I am part owner of a straight website mega site.
However, I do have friends that make gay porn. It sells big time and is in hot demand. Fresh young new comers are paid big bucks, no pun intended. Big Bucks From Uganda sounds like a nice title.
I told this to my friend and he ad his crew are actually booking tickets now. Once they get there and promote, thing will get wild.
I bet, given the amount of money they are going to offer there young studs, even straight guys will jump in.
The swift result will be overwhelming. Uganda, as a nation, will embrace Gay’s and their rights. Shit, the gays will own everything.
I feel kind of strange. I finally did something good for humanity, besides helping millions orgasm.
If anyone wants to put me up for the Peace Prize, my name is Ovi Levine.
at this point in my life, the north shore isn’t a place, it’s symbolic. the north shore represents the gifts and flaws of childhood.
at this point in my life, pete isn’t a person, he’s symbolic. pete represents the bully i let stay in my life for too long.
by the way, i’m still vulnerable because i choose to be. back when i knew pete, i was vulnerable because i was a child.
someday, helping people get off will be worthy of a peace prize. when orgasms are celebrated, when war is porn, ovi levine will be my nomination.
You still don’t get it!
The only thing we want you to be is successful at what you do!
You can drive a cab and be successful! You can be in advertising as you were in NY and have some success!
You can be a toll taker and be successful!
I’m beginning to realize that nothing I say makes a difference. So I will begin to watch my words and hope to not read them on your blog, unles I want them to be repeated! Get over “Pete”, he is and always was an unkind user. Get over the Northshore, as it was too long ago. Get on with your good writing, and look forward to some success! The only way to measure success is making money doing what you do-not alot-just a living-which allows you to do what you want!
What happens if he’s a toll taker on a street with no traffic?
If a car finally passes and the gate is up, does that really count?
The only way to measure success is one investor at a time.
This may haelp in your time of need.
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?id=16059
I think I have an idea about this mess. Greg is in love with the gay agenda. I think he’d like to be gay. Shit, what straight guy doesn’t mind if people think he’s gay? That’s fucking weird.
So, my thoughts continuing, are that Greg, who wants to be gay, it would make sense to him, finds himself trapped inside a straight guy. No matter how hard he tries to suck a cock, he can’t cause he loves the gina.
My solution is for Greg to get a sex change operation, become a woman. Then you can like women and be called a homo. Finally, an answer.
I bet you’d get serious pub nationally too.
Where in heck did this darn thing come from? Gay this, fag that. Dick sucking this, mommy whinning that.
Highfuckingschool bullshit stories.
This sounds like a little teenager’s blog.
Passadena.
Gregor,
Your turmoil is obvious. I found something that may provide guidance:
http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-You-Are-Gay
All the best.
Gregor,
Just so you know my post was not a joke, here is #4 in the process above:
Ask yourself every question in the book, questions that are difficult, that dare to look at the big pictures, such as:
If I had all the resources in the world – if I didn’t need to make money – what would I be doing with my day to day life and why? Perhaps you’d be painting, or writing, or farming, or exploring the Amazon rain forest. Don’t hold back.What do I want to look back on in my life and say that I never regretted? Would you regret never having traveled abroad? Would you regret never having asked that person out, even if it meant risking rejection? Would you regret not spending enough time with your family when you could? This question can be particularly difficult for some people.If you had to choose three words to describe the kind of person you’d love to be, what would those words be? Adventurous? Loving? Open? Honest? Hilarious? Optimistic? Realistic? Motivated? Resilient? Don’t be afraid to pick up a thesaurus. Don’t be afraid to choose words that are considered negative. Sometimes your traits that others don’t like become useful only in emergency situations or are valuable to the job you are meant to perform. If you do have a truly negative trait work on redirecting that energy to something positive. Exercising compensates for many bad habits and there are hobbies for almost every vice. Pole dancing is becoming a hobby! Don’t wash your clothes much? Try camping.
words be? Adventurous? Loving? Open? Honest? Hilarious? Optimistic? Realistic? Motivated? Resilient? Don’t be afraid to pick up a thesaurus. Don’t be afraid to choose words that are considered negative. Sometimes your traits that others don’t like become useful only in emergency situations or are valuable to the job you are meant to perform. If you do have a truly negative trait work on redirecting that energy to something positive. Exercising compensates for many bad habits and there are hobbies for almost every vice. Pole dancing is becoming a hobby! Don’t wash your clothes much? Try camping.
thanks for lunch yesterday, mom. always love our talks. as you can tell from today’s blog, it got me thinking.
if the gate is up, go. that’s god giving you a high five.
i like being a man. i like being a man who likes women. i like being a man who likes women who sees love for what it is, a sloppy kiss: mwah!
i know you are but what am i?
I gather you never knew your friend’s brother stole the credit card. You just found out from mommy.
are you coming on to me, AdamEvil?
This is one of the warnings under the site I gave you:
Do not let others decide for you what you are destined to do. Their path may not be the correct path for you. What works for one person may not work for the next.
you’re on to me, deputy don.
Hey, that is bull shit. I never wrote that shit above!!!
Fuck you you homo Adam.
I have not bothered you.
How the f- can you post on my name?
Some thing stinks.
I was just seeingif it would work. It did. I can be anyone.
And no, Gregor. I am not coming on to you. Just trying to help.
I don’t think you are gay. But I think you think that you don’t know what you think.
See, I am now the infamous Gregor.
Everyone, lets party.
the trick is to allow yourself to be influenced by people who love you, and have your best interest at heart, but at the same time, trust the tickle in your tummy. see, you’re right about me, deputy don, i write like a teenage girl. LOL
It is really me who is gay.
Oy Vey!
This blog is out of control.
Tomorrow is Hanukkah. I think we need to think about a good porn title for the holidays.
Gas for Sex Volume 1
the gays flock to the brickhouse for joey’s food, and cute ass.
“here”
Sounds like you’re a longed tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Gregor,
Watch what you say about the ass play at your restaurant. Isn’t there still an anit-sodomy law on the books?
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-3773431.html
Just watching your back, not your butt.
The retorical answer to my question is NO.
In Chicago, it was struck down long ago. So have at it at the Brickhouse.
http://www3.timeoutny.com/chicago/blog/out-and-about/2009/10/quearborn-and-perversion-gets-gay-chicago-history-straight/
Just trying to help.
Why do you do what you do?
love. i do it for love. and fart jokes. why do you do what you do?
I am blown away by all this. Greg, I know you better than all of these people cause i liked the north shore Greg. He was my closest Friend that i thought of as a brother. Sounds to me as you Write “you grew up in New York” I dont think so you grew up right next me making stupid choices and great ones to boot! Dont wash away the good times that we and many people in your life has had with you. Remember Yesterday! Live for today! and Plan for tomorrow! You have been away from the “North Shore” since 86′ almost 24 years ago and are still being effected by what someone thinks of you or writes about you. Enough! I have been reading your blogs and listning to your radio show and after almost no contact with you in 24 years i am proud to say we were friends and will always be. You have a skill as a communicator…Who cares about the “petes” in the world.. Move on with your life and write about edgy subjects,because reading stories about the “kid” you were lessons your great skills as a writter. Leave those stories for your Autobiography! ok i am all over the place and dont have the skills to write as you do,I would just rather call you or bullshit over a meal. Which i must get to the Brickhouse soon!
well i guess the only measure of success is how much money you make doing what you like than i am pretty much a failure…and dick cheney is a huge success because he’s made millions in haliburton by killing people..(which he apparently gets off on)..
thanks, brother.
group hug.
by the way, steven, you have 3 beautiful children and when you play music, you play with such emotion, you’re capable of changing the temperature in the room.
Steve, you didn’t get what I said. What I said was you have to make enough $$ to allow you to do what you want to do. You have to be able to support yourself and make your own kind of music! There’s alot of ways to measure success. Depends on how you feel about yourself!
im a father so i understand wanting your kid to have an easy life..unfortunately at leaast edison does not seem to be wired that way.shocking considering he came from me and mary..he hates school says its boring and is failing..my parents want me to take him to a pyschiatrist and punish him..instead i told him i hated school too and maybe your not going to be a school person.your going to have to make your own way, but it may be hard..especially since he loves money..to most people i would be deemed a bad parent..last week i took him over to a client of mine who use to be a professional drummer..edison sat down and amazed the guy and was able to play right away..my point is you can guide people but in the end its everybodies own life to f**up..my parents measure success by money and being able to “do things”..thats not wrong..my life has been about trying to know the unknowns.not a good strategy for making money..gregs life is about is about taking the opposite side just for the sake of it and trying to get his parents to understand him..to each his own!!!LOL
damn, just when it was getting interesting, you got cut off. story of my life!
btw just so people dont think im crazy i did try punishing edison many times and tried to get him help..hes extremely stubborn though..
well it was kind of a joke but i said
you life was about taking the opposite side just for the sake of it and trying desperately to get your parents to understand you
hmmmm, thanks for the outside perspective. i’ll try to take it in. but it’s hard, real hard, to see yourself from the outside, take it in, and change. god knows, i need to change.
btw, edison isn’t stubborn. he’s just trying to be okay with not forcing himself in the box. some people like it in the box, like my brother joey. some people are smothered in the box, like me & edison. trust him. support him. it might take longer to get there, but he’ll be happier. i am.
i try to get my parents to get me too but it never works..actually i not sure anybody gets me..hopefully my girlfriend will..still hiding alot of myself..easing her into it
she sounds great. my biggest mistake has been showing too much of myself too soon. you’re not hiding. you’re being smart.
…is stupid fresh!
Hey Greg! Haven’t read your blog until tonight. You are fabulous and I wish we lived in the same city. I encourage your coming out in every which way, it’ll be beautiful.
Calada (just so you know who it is
)
Hey Steve. Nice to see you on the blog. The real measure of success is not by money, objects or hair. It is clearly measured by the length and girth of your penis.
He with the biggest stick wins.
Don’t you see all the success the rappers are having?
All this over a silly blog that is most probably not Mike I mean Pete. You banged two of the hottest chicks in highschool. We were raised by a very successful team in Frank & Babs. You can really come off as a Norh Shore D-bag who, like Andy I mean Pete, has to find God to justify the good fortune life has handed you.
It’s the constant whining and the art of looking back with regret on everything you do that is fu-cock-ta.
You are fo shizzle on th radio. To me you are the most brilliant anger writter since Charles Bukowski. Your flaw is that you are to sober to chillax.
I’ll drink to that!
Greg (and family),
I listen to the program because you’re new. You bring something to radio I have not heard before.
Know what I hate? Reading or seeing the warning before a film, a TV show or Radio program that tells the audience, “you might be offended.” It protects the suits. It protects the advertisers (more suits). It probably protects the techs (more suits, but in shorts).
I put you in the same category as Craig Ferguson. Nasty, but funny. Maybe in the same category as many truth tellers who have found a way to entertain while tweaking the noses of the listeners.
Truth-tell, Greg. But also be funny. Then don’t worry. WE are out here listening to you.
–Viajero
I think I love Viajero!!!
:love:
Yeah, that’s what I think. The perspective, the whole goal of the restaurant, the blog and the radio program is love. Honest love. What you can say at a kitchen table with 1000s of viewers.
I remember my family (Polish, German, etc.) sitting around a kitchen table. No political correctness there. Sometimes some animosity or getting beyond teasing.
But on the whole you are sitting there because they are “your people” and you would walk away if they weren’t or didn’t own up to being so.
So, yeah, I listen to the show, and I hear –bottom line– love. Where do you hear that from suits or legal? MMM?